A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing (Dr. B. part 3)


Well, after finishing this episode in the Adventures of Dr. B, I realized I wasn’t really satisfied with how it came out. So, I’ve gone through and edited a little. It’s still not making me happy, but maybe once I finish all the different parts of the story and put them all together it will work better. 

As I’m trying to retell parts of our conversation–or should I call it my introduction to “The Program”–I’m realizing that I’m forgetting some key elements. that’s okay though, maybe some of them will come back to me later. You never know. I should point out here that throughout the time I was soaking up the wisdom of Dr. B, D. would step into the conversation too add his own observations. Generally his much appreciated interjections went something like this:

D: J., don’t listen to his bullshit. All he does is bullshit. Whatcha gotta do is just stop fuckin’ thinking about it and just do it.

Dr. B: Well you see, D., tonight I’m just observing.

D: Yeah, bulllll-shit.

Dr. B: You see, D., I don’t shit in my own pond. If I want to pick someone up I go to Springfield.

(Personally I’m not sure if talking to/hitting on women in bars should be considered “shitting in my own pond” but that might be a useful bit of knowledge about how well “The Program” actually works)

D: Bullshit. When was the last time you were in Springfield?

Dr. B: With you. Remember?

D: Yeah–we went to a frickin’ strip club! Yeah, you picked up a lot of women there–they only pay attention to you because they want your money.

Dr. B (big smile on his face): I do like the attention they pay me.

Yeah, so, anyway. I just wanted to give you a little more context so you could better picture the value of the wisdom I received from Dr. B. I’m not saying he’s not a nice guy and all, but I think I’d be best served by getting him off of the topic of his program. Just so’s you know.

Anyway, at one point in the conversation he says to me “J., you’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” I laughed. And really didn’t see what he meant. I’m more of a sheep in sheep’s clothing if anything. “What do you mean?” I asked.

Dr. B: Well, you look around you and all these guys are all dressed up, trying to look better than they really are. They’re wearing cologne and trying to dress to impress. And you. You’re sitting here wearing probably what you usually wear. Telling the women: ‘This is me. Take me as I am.’ It’s a bold move but it’s what you should do if you’re going to get someone who’ll take you as you are and not think that she can fuckin’ change you.

Me: Yeah, except I’m not looking for anyone right now. I didn’t really think about what I was wearing or why I’m wearing it.

(Okay, that’s not strictly true. I had been hoping to run into a particular someone and had made sure I was looking decent enough if I did).

“You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Like I said. A wolf.”

Yeah, dear reader, I also don’t really know why he kept repeating that phrase either. If he had any real insight into people he would’ve seen that I’m no “wolf” and there ain’t no program, let alone advice from D., that’s going to change that. Let’s face it. I’ll never be someone who will pick up a random person in a bar. Ain’t gonna happen except by some unforeseen miracle that would certainly involve a random woman approaching me first (also ain’t gonna happen). Which isn’t to say that I haven’t chatted up women in bars. There was the girl who later tried to trip me down a flight of stairs; there was the one whom I married; and, to a large extent, there’s Ms. JetBlue…

Um, yeah. Not the best track record now that I think about it…but anyway… 

So, Dr. B, what further insight can you give me and my dear readers? Stay tuned for more.


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