Threesome

When I went to sleep last night I thought I had one simple topic to write briefly about. Turns out that, by the time I got to work, I have three.

“This racism crap, people gotta get over it.” As I was driving to work this morning, Bax & O’Brien were talking about the whole Imus thing. One of the callers opened up with that quote. What the fuck lady? Do you hear yourself talking? Even Bax & O’Brien, who do their best to be at least a little shocking, totally called her on her comment. But anyway, going back to the whole Imus thing–how did anyone even know Imus said that? No one has listened to his show in like ten years.

“Why does my ass hurt?” Okay, so I woke up this morning and my ass hurts. Although this is based on secondhand knowledge, I feel like I had some rough ass sex last night. It hurts that much. So, why do I feel like this? I still don’t know. After I woke up, I reviewed my previous evening’s activities. Nothing to suggest ass pain. I ordered out, watched the Office, took a quick ride in the car, watched Scrubs, did some work on the computer, went to bed. No strange encounters. No blackout periods where I can’t account for my whereabouts. Didn’t wake up on the men’s room floor of a seedy bar. Nothing.

“That was the worst phone message EVER.” I said that to myself right after I got off the phone. Yeah, so I called someone last night to ask her out and ended up having to leave a message. I had planned ahead and thought about the message I would leave–you know, witty, charming, cool. What came out was just plain holy shit gibberish. Not only that but my intonation was all screwed up. I may have even stammered a bit–but luckily my brain is doing that thing where it’s making me forget exactly how painful the message was. At this point I’m mostly amused with my ineptness and wondering if I’ll get a call back; last night I was sure that I had caused her to decide to change her phone number and get reconstructive plastic surgury so that I wouldn’t recognize her the next time I see her out.

Yeah, so that’s how my day is going.

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