Utterly

As I write this I’m looking at a picture that Afternoon Girl sent me. It’s a very sweet photo, reminding me of our whirlwind week and of the possibility of more crazy days soon. I meant to call her last night, but ended up getting caught up in a pointlessly long evening with D. and JetBlue. Talk about screwed up priorities. Heh.

Okay, the main reason I was out–and stayed out–was a vain hope that K2 would make an appearance. But that never happened. Of course I ended up getting dragged into a JetBlue and D. argument, and later a JetBlue and Dr. B. argument. And after that there was even a mini argument between JetBlue and me. I will say one thing: as I’ve seen her do with OCE, JetBlue is really able to pounce on people when their stories or arguments aren’t strong. You don’t want to try to bullshit her. And I believe Dr. B quickly came to realize that he was outmatched. She picks up on faulty logic quickly and can be relentless in tearing arguments apart.

Anyway, our particular argument stemmed from the fact that, while she was talking to “#1 man”–whom I’ve previously discovered is not The “#1 man”–I was talking to D. about what I feel, well what everyone feels, is a really unhealthful relationship that she’s in–and one that JetBlue had been talking about to both of us on Monday. After D. and #1 man left she was pissed at me–at first because she thought I was making fun of her with D. (I wasn’t) and then because I was talking about her personal life with him. (which I was, but he knew all about it from her anyway) I apologized and tried to explain that I just thought she could have a real relationshiop elsewhere and that she was a good person who deserved to be respected. I also did my best to make it clear that I wasn’t saying all that because I wanted to date her. Because I don’t. The advice was all given, as I told her, because I really do care about her and I really do consider her a friend.

Well, the night stretched on until closing time–yeah, closing time on a Wednesday. That’s sick.–I had long since stopped drinking, but JeBlue bought me some seltzers and kept the conversation flowing. I told her the ‘OCE talking about us’ story and about how lame he is. And, as I’ve said before, I do like talking to her, even when she can’t seem to get out of the ruts that she digs for herself. It was funny: as we were leaving, we paused briefly outside to say goodnight. I don’t know if she was expecting a “moment” or maybe fearing that I might try to create one, but after she said good night she half-ran, half-skipped away to her car. It was all very cute.

And, well, the interaction didn’t end there. We ended up texting back and forth for an hour or so after that. (And, yes, I’m exhausted now). I reiterated that I just liked her and didn’t want to date her and was just giving her advice that was in her best interest. And she reiterated that she thought of me as a friend and that was all and she knew what she was doing in her relationship. Nothing like parallel drunken conversations to end off a useless night. At one point she felt I was being sarcastic because after she said that she was fine with the nature of her relationship with the a-hole–you know, frequently getting blown off and ignored and lied to–I responded that we all choose the relationships that we want to have. But I wasn’t being sarcastic; I wasn’t even trying to be rude. I was thinking about my own choices and wondering where they will lead me in the next few weeks and I was acknowledging that she didn’t need anyone’s advice. She already knows deep down that she’s spinning her wheels; she has said it herself so many times and she doesn’t need that pointed out to her again and again.

So, anyway, I’m happy with where things are in my life. Even though I wish I could’ve had those conversations at midnight instead of up until three, I’m glad I was able–even with the spectre of drunken texting hanging over my head–to maintain my dignity and not only not ask her out or say something fawning to her, but also to reiterate that I have no interest in her beyond our friendship. Looking back at it, the texts were all crazy and parallel, and obvious and, well, poorly typed. But they also established our mutual acknowledgement of the change that has happened over time. Ahhh, good stuff. Now it’s time to go back to focusing on K2 and the Afternoon Girl!

Final Notes: I spoke with “#1 man” (he’s going to need a new nickname, as we were all way off on that one) for a while last night. As I think I’ve mentioned before he’s such a nice person, so easygoing. At this point, I almost wish he were JetBlue’s #1 man. We talked about the Red Sox and about the Ho’yoke Giants–you know, how much fun the games were to watch but how perfect they would be if only they served beer. At any rate I found out that he lives right next door to the X. or maybe two doors down. Something like that. And though I didn’t say it, I thought it was strange that we could’ve still been neighbors–and probably wouldn’t have ever met as a result.

But anyway, I also thought about getting some people together to go to a game–you know, D. and “#1 man” and JetBlue and K2 and R. and M. and all the rest. It would be funny–we’d look so “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest!cuckoosnest_05.jpeg

Hehe, consider it a plan!

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