Archive for August, 2007

It Would Be Funnier If It Were True

August 29, 2007

A conversation from Monday….explicit language warning to sensitive readers

I enter the bar and sit down… 

 D.: So, did you bang her last night?

Me (truly confused): Who?

D.: Who do you think? JetBlue. I bet you fucked the shit out of her.

Me: What? She was here alone at the end of the night. I went home.

D.: Yeah, right. You can’t pull the wool over my eyes.

Jilted One (joining in): What’s going on?

D.: He banged JetBlue last night.

Jilted One: Awww, you’re hittin’ her now? That’s so cute. (Okay, she actually referred to JetBlue by another nickname that everyone has for her, but I won’t get into that.)

Me: I didn’t bang her last night. I gave Tattoo Guy a ride home and she came here.

Jilted One: Yeah, right. I’m sure you’re at least getting blow jobs from her. I know she likes to do that.

Me: I have nothing to do with her. Seriously.

D.: Yeah right. Whatever.

Later in the evening…

Jilted One: Why isn’t your girlfriend out tonight?

Me: Oh, man. She’s NOT my girlfriend.

Jilted One (with a sly sort of smile that she’s so good at pulling off): That’s not what I heard.

Me: (Turning to M. who was now at the bar) You were here last night. JetBlue came in alone right?

M: Maybe she did and maybe she didn’t. Who’s asking?

Jilted One: She’s fucking him but he wants to keep it hush hush. 

Me: I think she’s into Tattoo Guy now anyway.

M.: Methinks you protest too much.

Jilted One: I know why she’s not here. I bet you tired her out last night!

Me: Could we get off JetBlue for now?…Wait, don’t even say it!

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Amends Made

August 27, 2007

A short post to tide you over… 

So, last night, dear readers, I took Tattoo Guy out for his birthday. We had a pretty good group of people there–JetBlue, A., K2, D.R. to name a few. It was a rippin night of Tattoo Guy drinking and being as loud and non-stealth as possible. We started out at the usual bar but at some point Tattoo Guy and JetBlue decided it would be a good idea to go to kareoke. Oh man…so there I was with TG and JetBlue–and she’s been flirting with him lately and A. and K2–and they’ve been seeming like a couple. And then there was me. I don’t know how I got myself into a situation where I was alone with two “sorta couples” AND I had crushes on both of the women not so long ago. Oh well, it was what it was.

The night ended fairly unceremoniously with Tattoo Guy screaming at the guy in the McDonalds drive-thru. Yep. In a way it made sense, the guy was saying that they don’t have cheeseburgs after midnight. They had quarter pounders with cheese, but cheeseburgs were not available. WTF?

 But what I really want to write about is that C. was at the bar. And not only did I get to buy her and her friend a couple of outrageously expensive drinks, but I got to chat with her for a while and she gave me her phone number. Sweet! I don’t know how things will turn out. I’m hopeful but not expectant about it or getting myself too worked up about the possibility of a new woman (I’m lying, dudes).

I think the biggest problem is that she’s not so sure about the age thing–she’s 28 and I’m, well, I’m not. Both her and her friend asked me a number of questions related to how old I was–she was pretty direct about it: “I’m 28. How old are you?” But her friend separately was like “How many years have you been teaching? Did you start teaching directly out of college?” etc. I could see her counting the years in her head. One plus I have with the friend is that her nephew had been one of my students a couple years ago and I know he’ll say good things about me. Or at least I’m hoping…

Anyway, I’m going to call her mid-week and see what happens. Like I said, I’m hopeful but I’m not gonna get too worked up about this. (As she reads this, Afternoon Girl is probably laughing because I already called her last night to tell her that I finally connected with C. and I’m guessing I sounded all giddy and shit.)

So, that’s that dear readers. We shall see what happens.

Normal?

August 23, 2007

Well, dear readers, I got to chat a little bit with Afternoon Girl this morning over good ol’ Myspace. And it was nice to be in touch. I admitted to her that the transition’s been difficult for me. And that’s one good thing about our super awesome friendship is that I feel we can be open about stuff like that. Just keep everything out there on the table. But still, I know it’s going to be a tough couple of/few weeks for me to try to get that sense of separation. 1107 miles of it according to Mapquest…

So, anyway, I’m still trying to figure out in my head what’s “normal” for us. What will the coming months look like? The fact that I have no idea kind of bothers me, but maybe I should look at it as yet another wonderfilled adventure in our SAF (“Super Awesome Friendship” in case you haven’t been paying attention.).

So that’s that. It is what it is.

Too Attached

August 23, 2007

Well, dear readers, I do owe you a lot of updating.

On Friday Afternoon Girl and I had our last hurrah. It didn’t all go according to plan but it was a nice, sweet evening. Yeah, really sweet in every way you can imagine.

But now I’m left here all alone trying to tone down the emotions of the summer. And I’ve been having trouble with that. When the summer started I thought that I could be all level-headed and bring my mind back to where we were back in–I guess it was May–easily when she departed. But, no, so far it’s been really tough on me.

I know that earlier this summer she warned me not to get too attached, but here I am, feeling that attachment that I shouldn’t feel. I wanted to talk to her about it tonight but I haven’t had a chance to talk.  I did get a chance to talk to her last night but it was a whole different AG I was talking to. I could hear in her voice a definite distance that I’d hadn’t heard all summer.

So, here I am.

I had a summer girlfriend and now she’s gone. I’ve tried to reach out to her but she’s beyond my pale. But that’s okay, because I’ll move on.

In fact, Sunday night there was a woman at the bar whom I’ve met briefly once before…and she bought me a drink. C. is very cool, very much a teacher like me. Unfortunately, I got involved in a drunken discussion about city politics and C. left before I could thank her for the drink. A lost opportunity I’m sure. I’m just wondering when I can make amends for that.

Well, good night dear readers.

Text Message

August 18, 2007

 I started this entry Friday morning. Just finishing it now. I won’t include the Friday evening update because I’m still swimming in the awesomeness of it all and I don’t want to tell you about it yet.

 Anyway, a few quick updates for you: well, last night Afternoon Girl read my blog and informed that I needed to update it. So, I will say that I spoke to her Tuesday night and we made plans to see each other on Wednesday. On Tuesday I also had a nice, long conversation with K2. It was nice to get to know her a little better. One thing I discovered (maybe I already knew this) is that she has an amazing memory. If she starts a story that she’s told in front of me before she always catches herself. Even if I was one of ten people she was telling it to. This is a wonderful contrast to JetBlue who constantly retells me the same stories. Constantly. (I feel like I wrote this paragraph a couple of weeks ago…did I just Jetblue it?)

Anyway…Unfortunately, the juxtaposition of 1) my frustrations with the difficulties that AG and I have had in getting time together; 2) the conversation with K2, during part of which we both spilled about frustrating relationships, 3) too many White Russians and Heinekens and 4) AG’s newly turned on text messaging, led to me writing a poorly worded drunken text message to AG at like 2 in the morning.

The attempted jist of it was that I felt like I was the only one frustrated by our difficulties. And sober me knows better than to think that (and knows better ways to have written it), but, you know, I move in mysterious ways sometimes. What basically happened was that I forgot that AG is so even-keeled and drama-free that she doesn’t necessarily express those frustrations overtly. She just takes life as it comes.

And, so, the short time we had on Wednesday was spent, in part, with me profusely apologizing like the profuse apologizer that I am. Thank you for being so forgiving, AG. We also spent part of the time talking about the various men in her life. (I’ve already nicknamed one of them Voldemort because every time she mentions his name I imagine the scare on my forehead is burning).I asked her to make me a chart so that when she talks about one of them I know the level of seriousness and type of involvement.  It’s hard to follow the game without a scorecard you know. In the past she also talked about starting an AG blog. That would be something to read!

So, anyway, we had a long phone conversation last night. It was nice and made me nostalgic for early summer when I was racking up a nasty phone bill. And, better yet, we’re hanging out tonight for a last hurrah. If we don’t get arrested, I’m not doing something right.

Um, just kidding.

And, finally, that leads me to my final bit: text messages and what they say about someone…

Afternoon Girl Knows What She Wants and Knows How to Get It: “Ur pickn’ me up fri from work at 6…dont text back, call insted.”

JetBlue Is Out of Control: “Yes, I fell asleep in my car in the stop n shop parking lot..haha”

Tattoo Guy Being the Comic Bad Ass: “You fuckin better, bitch.”

Nothing Much

August 14, 2007

Well, not much time to do an update but I’ll let you know that the past two nights I’ve had perfect opportunities to talk to K2 and managed to blow both of them. Way to go!

Let’s see, what else? Oh, Afternoon Girl has suddenly disappeared from my planet. I have no idea what’s she been up to the last four days, though I did get a smiley face icon for a text message this morning. At least I can stop worrying that I did something to scare her completely away. Partially away? yes. Completely? Not yet. 

Oh, and I golfed on Sunday with some of the crew from the secret bar. It was a nice afternoon AND I played well. Can’t ask for more than that. I had a birdie putt on the first hole and managed to four putt my way to a double bogey.

And, I’m off to go to the pool with the boys. It’s kind of a cool day for swimming but it’s perfect for watching the river flow. I finished reading Harry Potter, so go ahead and try to spoil it for me spoilers! And I’m in the home stretch on Belly of Paris. What to read next?

Sorry to be so brief, but at least I cared enough to write something!!

Life-sized Demons, Karaoke, and a Big Bag of Ice

August 10, 2007

So, let’s see…yesterday I had a long day with the kids. We did all those typical things that we do: batting cages, visiting grandpa, going to the pool club, playing video games. Then there was football practice and a second trip to the club so D^ could cool off and Padraig could play with friends.

Anyway, after I dropped them off I headed down to the secret bar. The regular cast of characters were there including a tired-looking JetBlue sitting alone at the bar. I went inside to order a drink and stood next to her and said hi and all that.

JetBlue: Guess who called me today after nearly a month of ignoring me? I didn’t call back though. Can you believe the nerve of him?

Hehe, in case, dear reader, you haven’t been following the storyline: JetBlue is hung up on this guy (who everyone else thinks is a jerk, etc.) who keeps stringing her along. And she wonders why he strings her along? Um, maybe because you let him.

Anyway, I wasn’t buying into the ‘sit at the bar and listen to other guy’ stories ad nauseum so said something like “Oh, well, what can ya do?” and went outside. I was pretty tired after my busy day so I pretty much just hung out listening to a variety of conversations: witty banter between two businessmen about cardboard; the woman who has a life-sized demon at home that she takes out for drives sometimes; the drunken conversation that made no sense; and then the Pharmacist and his girlfriend and her friend talking about karaoke…

Which led to a brief, somewhat amusing trip upstairs to where the karaoke in question was happening. Um, happening is probably not a good word because the only two people (yes, the only two!) in the bar were the bartender and the DJ. Sucky night to be bartending up there apparently–and what was worse was we brought our drinks from down below. Anyway, the girls sang a couple of songs and the Pharmacist dared me to do a duet with him, but I passed. If I were drunker AND the bartender and the DJ were out of the room then, maybe, just maybe.

So, we headed back downstairs shortly thereafter and settled back into the quiet life. the Pharmacist’s friends kept telling him he looked fucked up and I joined in the fun. The Pharmicist is so sensitive and paranoid that you can make an evening of entertainment out of pretending he looks messed up.

Anyway, they eventually left and I helped bring in the furniture. JetBlue had fallen asleep on the couch. The poker game was starting to wrap up.

Fell asleep on the couch? Wha!?

Me (to bartender): That can’t be good for business.

Bartender: Sleeping like a baby. And she only had one drink.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that she mentioned that she had been out drinking Sangria somewhere. A night of red wine will make you sleepy. Not that personally I’d be comfortable falling asleep in a bar, but, hey, all god’s critters got a place in the choir.

I suggested to the bartender that they just close up and leave her there. She could be their first customer tomorrow.

As they were contemplating whether or not to do that she woke up though and headed home. I headed out shortly after that. Not much else to say about last night except I had a brief phone conversation–well, two brief ones–with Afternoon Girl, but she was kinda sleepy and distracted so not much to say there.

Oh, last thing. After a long late night out I had to give my brother a ride to work because his car was going into the shop. At 5 A-fuckin-M. If you are one of the Unfortunates–people who drink until two and then have somewhere to be at, say, 5–you know what that was like: wearing last night’s clothes, smelling like fuckin’ Red Bull and smoke, and the car…well, I’m thinking the car smelled like a brothel–a mix of every conceivable smell, none of them unpleasant in and of themselves, that together seem more decadent than Berlin in the 20s. Anyway, as I drove to pick up my brother, the windows were down to soften the concern that my own private little Cabaret might cause him. Anyway, I was home by 6 and I crawled back into bed for another four hours. mmm hmm.

And then I had a dream, the only part of which I remember is that a friend of mine and I were hanging out on the X’s lawn. And it seemed like we were meant to be there. And the X showed up crying and got out of a car carrying a big bag of ice. Ice! Oh, and she had pigtails. Not sure where that came from either. It’s weird, because I haven’t had a dream (that I remember) featuring her since the one in which I lived in her house, but she didn’t. I think I’ll leave it at that. I’ve had plenty of other weird dreams featuring people around me lately. And I don’t want this to become the dream blog.

Okay, I’ve wasted enough of your time. See ya! 

S.A.F.

August 9, 2007

Hanging out with Afternoon Girl is becoming a bittersweet joy. On the one hand we have “the best time evah” whenever we hang out; on the other, she’ll be moving away forever in just another week or two. The story of my life at the moment, wha.

Last night we hung out at the bar with Tattoo Guy. And it turned out to be fun. There were a few awkward, quiet moments thrown in. It seems that everyone restrains their regular behavior a bit when someone new is thrown into the group. But overall it was fun. At one point early in the evening, AG and I were outside talking about how quiet and distant Tattoo Guy was being. I mean, I know he’s not feeling well and all, but, anyway…

I’m realizing that I’m a little too tired to write something brilliant right now but I’m going to press on with this…

But anyway, JetBlue showed up with a friend of hers. It’s funny, because in the matter of a week or two, Tattoo Guy has gone from being interested in her to finding her totally obnoxious. I guess he learns quicker than some of us. At any rate, when JB and her friend came in, it turned out that he was sitting on one side of them while AG and I were on the other. 

So, anyway, as you might expect the conversation turned to egg and sperm donations (doesn’t it always?) and suddenly TG got up and said to me “We’re going outside.” While out there he totally went off on JB’s inaneness and her grating voice (really, she’s not as bad as she was showing last night, but anyway…) and he decided he was going to sit near AG and I.

And I think that pretty much saved the evening. Forced out of his original seat by their banter, he actually had the chance to get to know the super awesome force that is Afternoon Girl. And, also funny to me, later on AG asked me if I had told Tattoo Guy to come over and stop being so quiet. But, no. He did that himself to save his ass from being on the farside of a dull conversation.

Oh, and to set the record straight: the current White Russian craze that’s spreading through the bar? That’s all Afternoon Girl’s doing. She had a couple weeks ago and then I started having them as a suppliment to my usual Heineken’s. Then one night when I was having them, Tattoo Guy and D. had one. And then last night, AG and I started into them, followed closely by TG and JB and her friend. And the good thing is that when the Jilted One is working, you know you’re getting your money’s worth in alcohol. Maybe not your money’s worth in milk, but, hey, what can ya do there?

The only slight disappointment of the evening was that K2’s car was in the parking lot when we got there (after picking up Tattoo Guy) but K2 wasn’t. I’m pretty sure I know where she was, but anyway, I had hoped that AG would have a chance to meet her. She’s pretty good at assessing people for me. I remember her giving JetBlue a pretty solid thumbs down right after meeting her for the first time.

But anyway, we eventually went off into the good night. D. had shown up at the bar and AG couldn’t resist throwing in a little random open flirting with him. But that’s okay, dear readers, it’s all part of the AG show. You know, like when we gave D. a big wave on the way out and then she grabbed my ass like she was a longshoreman sizing up his drunken catch. mmm hmm.

At some point I need to sit down and write, really write, about the phenomenon known as Afternoon Girl. I need to think about what I’d like to write more than I have. I’m not sure that I’ve ever really gotten across how much unique fun and joy she’s brought to my little life. That and all the super awesome friendship that we’ve got brewing.

But, anyway, that’s all I got for now. I’ll be sitting by the pool if you need to reach me.

Oh, and I Saw a Bear

August 8, 2007

Well, last night certainly wasn’t boring.

Let’s see. Happy me: I talked to Afternoon Girl last night and set up an evening of dinner and drinks for tonight. That was a pleasant surprise. Her even-keeledness with everything that she’s going through amazes me. Hell, she even puts up with my wackiness. At any rate, we had a nice conversation, which dear readers you know I’ve been missing as of late, and some good laughs as well as some serious, thoughtful moments. Good stuff.

Not so happy me: okay, secondly, Tattoo Guy called me as I was on the phone with AG, needing a ride to the hospital. So that put a little bit of panic into my night. I can’t imagine going through what he is. Good luck there.

Oh, and I saw a bear. I was driving down my street and noticed it, oh, about a hundred feet ahead of me as it jogged from our front yard into the woods across the street. Yeah, I said front yard.

I spent some time talking to K2 and some other friends. That was nice and included this typical exchange:

Me: What happened to your knee?

K2: Oh, I was at the beach.

Hah! Thanks for the info. Trouble is, I think she thought she had explained it well.

JetBlue had spent the first three hours of the evening talking to some guy I hadn’t seen before. And the sad thing is, I think he thought he was going to get lucky. But I could see from across the bar that she was in non-stop chatter mode, which precludes her from recognizing that the person she is with is getting a whole different set of signals than what she intends. Or at least the mode in which she doesn’t care that the other person is only there for one reason: a captive audience is a captive audience.

At any rate, she finally said good night to the poor suck and then did her “pretend I’m leaving too” thing and then circled back around and sat next to me. No, JetBlue, I’m enjoying talking to these other women, why now? At any rate, we chatted for an hour or so. I enjoyed a few White Russians along the way. The Jilted One makes an awful special White Russian that involves a pint glass and pouring extra Kahlua on top of the finished drink. Priceless.

So, that’s that. Did I mention that I saw a bear?

Tuesdays are Good

August 7, 2007

Well, dear readers, I’m still in that “it’s summer and I really don’t feel like sitting at a computer” mode (a.k.a. ISAIRDFLSAAC). But here are a few brief updates:

Yesterday afternoon I headed out with Tattoo Guy, who’s just returned from three days in the hospital. But he was on a mission and I was only too happy to help him out. We were at the bar when JetBlue showed up. She came over to the table we were at after Tattoo Guy yelled out her name several times. She made a few crabby-style statements when she was talking to TG and myself and then went off to get a drink.

TG: Why is she being so crabby?

Me: Dude, she’s like that a lot when she’s sober. Let her have a couple of drinks before you try to talk to her. 

And then she went and sat at the bar alone rather than coming back to talk to us. Let me tell ya, Tattoo Guy was insulted. Oh, he was pissed too. I tried to explain to him that that’s how things fly with JetBlue, but I’m sure he’s going to give her shit the next time he sees her.

Anyway, TG went home early–he’s still not feeling all that great–and I eventually headed back out to the bar. K2 has appeared back on the scene–she even has her car back. Her latest thing is a hurt knee, necessitating a brace of some kind. I haven’t asked her where the injury came from, but I’ll bet it’s a good story. She of course did her usual thing with me–one minute a bit flirty, the next totally ignoring me and making me feel awkward. Oh well, I’m used to the craziness.

The Jilted One was there as well. It seems that adding a -y to my first name has become a permanent thing with her. Hey, I’m desperate for attention these days so I’ll let little things like that go on. The other night she banged up her car. As she put it, she misjudged how far away the woods were and she failed to apply her brake in time. Ooops.

D. was there. Lately he’s been taking a lot of grief from people. But, hey, he’s bringing it on–what with the arm wrestling some guy on a table during dinner time and all. And I missed a late call from Afternoon Girl. I was home where my phone gets poor reception and all. I stupidly drove back out to try to call her back. This is unfortunate because at the moment I have no idea if I left her a message or what I even said in it if I did.  I hope AG can be forgiving of my drunken messages. But, anyway, lately we haven’t talked nearly as much on the phone. On the one hand it’s better phone bill wise; but on the other I secretly fear that I said or did something a while ago to push her away just a little bit. Maybe I should stop discussing eloping to Las Vegas.

Just kidding about that last part.

So, anyway, I’m looking forward to a good evening tonight. The Jilted One is bartending–which implies that winning combination of poor service and free drinks–and I’m pretty sure that K2 will come for an extended stay, because they’re friends. It also means that Tattoo Guy will want to be out–the Jilted One owes him some money. D. will probably also be there. Well, just because he often is. And JetBlue will probably be anchoring the place from 5 o’clock on. Tuesdays are good. Tuesday’s breed stories out of our intersecting lives.