De-smokifying Myself

Well, well, well, dear readers. All I can say is that I’m feeling that happy tingly feeling inside. You know what I mean. When you’ve found someone new and the world is filled with fascinating possibilities. And you want to tell everyone about how you feel and you don’t even notice that they’re not really listening. When your thoughts keep coming back to one person and you keep trying to remember everything they said to you the other night.

Even, that kind of feeling where you no longer feel the need to torment your annoying co-worker with endless pranks even though he still deserves it.

Yeah. I told you this blog might get boring. And here it is. Now, I guess I could tell all the stories from Friday. How C. called me and asked me to be the “doorman” for a birthday party down at the secret bar, how the party turned out to be for a former student, how I asked C. about Ms. Hold ‘Em and before I knew it she was there, how we sat together listening to live music and holding hands and being all shy about it, how I found out just how much ‘behind the scenes’ work went into the whole set up, how Tattoo Guy sat in my car for 45 minutes at 4 in the morning so that I could say goodnight, how all of my clothes smelled like campfire. And so much more I could add.

But I won’t for now. I’ll revel in the special feeling that a new person has brought to my life. I’ll see what happens next. I have to call her today and, you know, I’m not brilliant on the phone. But I’ll do my best. I’ll be nervous, but I’ll be reminding myself that she’ll be too.

After months of chasing after women whom I could at the same time tell funny, pathetic stories about, I’m not sure what I’ll write here now. But I don’t care. Maybe I’ll bore you, maybe not.

Well, on Sunday I de-smokified my clothes but on Friday I de-smokified my heart. And today I’m beginning to realize that more and more. After months of lying to myself about who and what I wanted, I’m suddenly on the verge of a whole different precipice–but it’s the kind you don’t mind jumping over because there are fluffy pillows of contentment and hominess there to fall into.

At least that’s the plan.


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