Archive for December, 2007

Quickly

December 27, 2007

Well, I have lots of updates, but have been away from writing for the holidays. Lots of interesting stories, but they’ll have to wait. My only update for now is that things are still going great including a fun Christmas night of snuggling and watching “Once.”

Boring, but wonderfilled.

So It Wasn’t the Comforter Keeping Me Warm

December 18, 2007

So, I don’t know if I’ve expressed this in this here blog before, but I’ve really been surprised by the steady, speedy course Ms. Hold ‘Em and I seem to be on. Happy, yes. But surprised too. I know I have expressed some doubts that have crept into my head about why this is all progressing so quickly–you know, whether I’m this guy that she really likes who also offers some sort of stability or am I this stability that is in the form of a guy who’s good enough. What I’m saying is, I fear that she might be settling.

But I guess I’ll figure that one out as we go along.

For now let me catch up on the past week.

Snow. I was looking forward to Thursday night–a chance to go to the secret bar, more importantly, a chance to hang out with Ms. Hold ‘Em after she was done dealing. But then god interferred by dropping like a foot of snow on the area. Oh sure I got the bonus half-day, but Ms. Hold ‘Em wasn’t driving the ten plus miles in such crappy conditions. So , after spending all week waiting for Thursday, it was a bust. Amazingly, C. managed to open the secret bar that evening and, saving the night from a total, reclusive shut-in event, I managed to get down there around 10. Sure, they closed at 11 because of the weather, but I managed to insure my status as a legendary faithful customer. A couple other people were there and, at that point, the driving really wasn’t THAT bad. But, anyway, snow.

Friday, though, couldn’t have been better. Ms. Hold ‘Em and I went out on a date. But it was a date with a difference. First off, instead of the whole thing being all date-like and stuff, we started off by going to Staples because she needed some photocopying done. It was funny because though all she needed was 60 copies–and there was absolutely no line–the worker said it would be 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes? So, anyway, we wandered through the store and discovered that we’re both very good at that game of ‘making funny comments about different products while you wander through an office supply store waiting for your photocopies that are taking, for no known reason, 15 minutes’–I’m sure you’ve played that game too. Anyway, it was fun.

Then we started the date-like portion of the evening with a really nice dinner at her favorite Italian restaurant in Spiffled. Although at times our mutual quietness gets the best of us, we both had good stories to tell. And it was nice to have a dinner that I knew she would love. After the not-yet-written about ‘sushi near debacle’ we needed to get back to some familiar territory for her.

So, after dinner we got to distribute the photocopies that we had made (they’re for a charity event involving a pub crawl) at a number of local bars. Because the person organizing this event hasn’t done much organizing, we were greeted with anything from mild understanding of what was going on to “Um, we’re having our Christmas party that night” (and that was from a bar he owned). We also managed to have a quick drink at each of the establishments as we plowed our way through town. At one of them–the seedy one of course–several people knew Miss Hold ‘Em and she chatted with them. I found out that her favorite uncle was indeed in prison (she never gave me that factoid, but on our first date did say that I would meet him in eight months or so). I’m guessing he took the fall when she offed her last boyfriend or something like that.

Anyway, we eventually made it down to the secret bar, where there were few other customers plus C. and his bartender girlfriend. Oh, and a whole lotta tension between them. Anyway, we hung out and smoked and chatted and played the video games. At around 2 AM, Ms. Hold ‘Em and I headed out. Later I found out that C. felt that his girlfriend was causing the “tension” that made us leave “so early” but really, no, we left because it was 2 and we were tired.

Anyway, as we drove toward the highway, Ms. Hold ‘Em made a comment (which I don’t quite remember at this point) and I somehow misinterpreted it and gave kind of a random answer. Then she was like “No, I’m saying I’m going to call my babysitter and warn her I’m going to be late.”

“Ahhhhh…” I said. “Hell yeah!” I thought.

So, she called her babysitter and said: “I’ll be home at 4:30 or 5. See you then.”

Note to my dear readers: Don’t worry, I won’t be going down porno road or anything like that. 

So anyway, there we were hanging out in my incredibly cold room (the heater isn’t working and the air blows through the closed window like it isn’t there) and we decided to catch a nap until 5 under the toasty warm comforter. And, as the next couple of hours rolled by–yes, we kept delaying getting up until 6–each time I would wake up briefly I was reminded of how wonderful it is to wake up next to someone. It had been over ten months and I guess over time I forgot how special a feeling it is. I’m sure it could be a not-so-special feeling if you’re not quite sure who the person is the next day, but, you know, that’s not the case here.

Anyway, despite the bitterly cold room that greeted us at dawn, we got up and I drove her home. I then, as quickly as possible, shot back to my room to catch some more of that comforter’s toasty warmth. But, as I jumped under there, I wasn’t feeling it anymore. No matter how I adjusted myself the comforter only gave me limited protection against the bitter cold. And then of course I realized it was Ms. Hold ‘Em warming me so much, not the damned K-Mart comforter.

Anyway, the evening taught me two survival lessons: 1) have more cuddly sleep-overs 2) buy a space heater.

Happy, Drunky Tuesday

December 13, 2007

So on Tuesday C. and the bartender returned from Florida, which prompted a Tuesday night get together down at the bar above the secret bar. When I got there at around 6:30 it was just the three of us plus the owner. C. and the bartender brought many gifts including chopsticks for yours truly (the approposicity of the chopsticks relates to a blog entry that I never got around to writing).

We had a nice time chatting and looking at their pictures. The owner was in one of those “let’s have a few drinks” modes so we were all buzzing fairly quickly. A few other people showed up and it turned into a nice little Tuesday. Now, Ms. Hold ‘Em had a night class final exam so I sent her a message saying where we were and suggested she come down though I knew she wouldn’t because she had another final at 8 the next morning.

Then I got her text reply: “I look awful today.” Wait a minute! That wasn’t a polite ‘no’! So I replied as smart suitor would, complimenting her on her inability to ever look awful. I didn’t here further from her for a while, so I figured that that in fact was her way of saying no. Then about a half hour later she wrote again, asking if we were still there. “Oh yeah!” was both my thought and my reply.

So, she came down. I inwardly cursed the fact that I had been drinking like someone who planned to leave by 9, just when she was arriving. But that’s okay. I’m sure she knew what to expect. Anyway, we had a wonderful time together, seemingly as always. Because I was well-oiled I was in a talkative mood and, though we spent time talking to our other friends, we spent a lot of time huddled together, enjoying each other’s company.

When we were outside for a smoke-break, she looked me in the eye and told me that she had missed me. And I inwardly kicked myself because I had been feeling exactly the same way that day but had played it all cool and never said it.  And then we got into a retionship discussion and seemed to be on the same page–we’ve been taking things as they come, and yet at the same time clearly growing closer and closer by leaps and bounds. We talked about an upcoming charity event we’re both taking part in (and it’s a bar crawl! woot!). She mentioned, as she has before, that she has no intention of going home that night. So I suggested staying at my new place. At first, she was cautious and saying that maybe she should just stay with a female friend, but after more relationshipy talk, agreed that it would be nice to wake up next to someone. Actually the conversation went something like this:

Ms. Hold ‘Em: I don’t know if I should, because it’s really cool waking up alone every morning.

Me: I know, cuddling really sucks. It’s so much better to be able to roll over to the cold side of the bed.

 Ms. Hold ‘Em: Yeah, after a couple years of waking up to no one, I’m pretty much enjoying the hell out of it.

Me: So, you’ll stay?

Ms. Hold ‘Em: Just warning ya, I snore.

Me: Wait til you hear me…

Yeah, so that’s all nice and stuff.

Anyway, not much else to say about Tuesday, except that we stayed out until midnight, long after either of us should have, but we really didn’t want to leave each other. Ms. Hold ‘Em played some pool with a pool league friend and asked him if he had any problem with me because, if he did, I was dead to her (luckily he didn’t). And, in the end, we said goodnight out by her car both of us wishing, I think, that we were going the same way home. So, I should be seeing her tonight, poker night, and Friday for our date.

Oh, except for the foot of snow that’s about to pummel this area and leave us stranded tonight seemingly a million miles apart. Fucking snow. I’m missing her so damned bad.

Is this blog getting too sickly sweet for all of you?  Or are you waiting for the big fall?

My Boring Blog Entry For Monday Morning

December 10, 2007

Well, I’m sitting here at work with about a third of my usual “clients” present (wintery weather and all) and we’re watching a video. A nice, quiet, sleety Monday morning.

I had an okay weekend. Nothing much to report from Saturday and Sunday. A few kid basketball games–three losses (looks like a trend, get used to it). Spent some time on Saturday at the secret bar,but none of the usual suspects were there so it was a bit of a dull time indeed. Sunday I watched some football and went down to the bar above the secret bar. Again, not too much happening, but a nice enough time.

And, so, yes, I spent a lot of that time really missing Ms. Hold ‘Em. I’m sure, after my last blog post, you’re wondering about me (as I am) but now I’ll say that, regardless of where my mind wanders, I really want to figure out if we’ll really work out together. And I know my heart wants it to happen.

We did get to go out Friday night. We started the evening with a locally-produced play which, on the whole, was excellent. Then we stopped by a bar north of here for a while before settling into the secret bar for the end of the evening. At different times we both noted our relative quietness–Friday’s, and the whole week’s worth of tiredness, will do that to me. But Ms. Hold ‘Em described it as a comfortable silence and I’m glad she did because it really was for me. The whole night I pictured myself snuggling with her on the couch, watching TV, and plotting out some future grift..just kidding about the last part. I don’t know. There’s just a comfortableness that we have together that’s hard to describe or explain. Anyway, thoughI still have to rewind this blog to last week, I have now caught up on this relatively uneventful weekend.

Oh, one last thing…I met her daughter for the second time when I picked up Ms. Hold ‘Em on Friday. It was funny (and interesting) because Ms. Hold ‘Em was on the phone with the baby-daddy when I came in and was trying to get her daughter to say hi to him. She listened on the phone attentively but didn’t say anything, but when she noticed me she started waving and said something in baby-talk. Hehe. Then–THEN, she toddled over and gave me a big hug! Double hehe! It was so cute. And, I do believe, she’s managed to give me that extra appeal for Ms. Hold ‘Em who, you know, with the young daughter, has to be really sure about anyone she’s in a relationship with.

Anyway, I hope to have more time to write later. See ya, dear reader.

Dilemmas

December 8, 2007

Okay, I know that I have a lot of catching up to do with you dear readers–two dates and a Thursday night poker night with Ms. Hold ‘Em, plus lots of other loose ends I’m sure. But I’m writing right now for some advice and, perhaps, the bitch slap that is necessary to make me see the light.

Okay, so I find out from Afternoon Girl that she’s going to be back in town in a week. If you’re not a long time reader to this blog I’ll sum things up quickly and say that she and I had a summer-long no-strings-attached fling that was more fun than…than…well, more fun than most 43 year old guys can ask for. And so of course when she said she was coming back me first thought was “Hell yeah!” And then the second thought I had, one which disturbed me as much as it might disturb you, was “How can I pull this off without Ms. Hold ‘Em knowing?”

And, as you are astute readers, you can figure out what some of my dilemmas are: why was THAT my reaction, rather than “Wish I could see you, but…”? I will say that Afternoon Girl knows all about Ms. Hold ‘Em and I’m sure if I said “Let’s just hang out as friends”, she’d be cool with that…except for the fact that we tried that approach at one point during the summer and, well, it didn’t last long. I could also be honest with Ms. Hold ‘Em and hang out with both of them (and whoever else was around)–and that would make the whole “as friends” thing easier to accomplish. But I don’t even know if that’s a good idea. And, whatever’s best, I’ll say that I’m not inclined to not see Afternoon Girl because I know her much better than I know Ms. Hold ‘Em and I’ll have very few chances to ever see her again. Despite our crazy times, deep down we’re friends.

Add to all those dilemmas the fact that I’m not feeling 100% sold on Ms. Hold ‘Em. I hate to say it because in so many ways she’s wonderful and, I think, will be great for me. I sometimes fear that the promise of steadiness and kindness that I do deliver (even when I’m having sloppy past-involvement dilemmas) might be what she sees valuable in me, rather than me myself. I mean, she has a nearly two year old daughter and, from the sounds of it, I’m probably the first person who hasn’t balked at the idea that if we really get a relationship going that she’ll be a part of it. That can be powerful stuff for a single mother. And, though I’m usually happy to throw myself headlong into a new relationship, the fact that she’s diving in quicker than me makes me wonder.

I know, I’m being a cynical ass.

But, anyway, there it is. I’m sure what I’ve written didn’t come out as clear to you as it is in my brain, but–hey–I do the best I can.

I Go Out on Friday Night

December 6, 2007

“I go out on Friday night and I go home on Saturday morning…” 

So, anyway, as I mentioned at the end of the last post, I dragged through my day of work on Friday on two hours of sleep. Note to self: never, never, ever, never do that again. And after work only had the opportunity for the briefest of naps. So, of course I’m sure you’re thinking–Mr. Setback, your date with Ms. Hold ‘Em is Saturday night, so Friday will be the perfect night to try to un-do some of the damage that this lack of sleep the previous night has no doubt done to your sorry body. You would think.

So, I decided that, while I wanted to be in bed early, I also wanted to visit with C. and his girlfriend and the Young One, you know, a couple of hours early in the night just to say hi. So I got there at eight and repeatedly mentioned to C. about how I was tired and only staying a short while. He laughed at me and said, “you’re helping me close tonight.” I laughed at his foolishness and went off to talk to some friends, eventually getting into a discussion with the Young One about Tattoo Guy and about Ms. Hold ‘Em–and it was interesting in a lot of ways. Hearing a different perspective on what happened the night before, hearing a surprising perspective on Ms. Hold ‘Em and me, just having a nice conversation all and all. At one point, Short Guy (who is a fairly obnoxious and really short drunken guy who alternately says nasty things and tries to hit on women) came over and hit on the Young One. She pointed to me and said: “Can’t you see I’m with someone.” He apologized but he looked awfully confused, having just seen me with Ms. Hold ‘Em the night before. On a related note, while we were still talking, another guy brought over a beer for the Young One. To his credit he seemed like a nice enough person and all, but I still wondered why no one was thinking we could at least possibly be together–at the very least think I’m her dad or whatever. Anyway, she thanked him but said that she was sorry she had a boyfriend (this time she meant her real boyfriend who wasn’t there that evening) and he walked away in that manner of men who made the supreme sacrifice by taking a shot with a beautiful stranger and in the end had to retreat, defeated.

Okay, so with all these small stories, I’m sure you’ve guessed that it was hitting 2 o’clock before I knew it. C., at some point in the evening had offhandedly said to a few of us that whoever lasted longest would win sometihng. Although I never dreamed it would be me, in fact, of the four or five people he said it to I indeed was the last one standing. So, tired out of my mind I headed home, painfully aware of the early basketball game staring me in the face Saturday morning…

more soon…

Too Long of a Thursday

December 4, 2007

It’s Tuesday and I’m back at work. Yesterday was an unexpected day off. An appreciated one, but an unexpected one.

But, that’s not what I’m here to write about. I have four or five days to update you on and that’s what I’m here to try to commit to “paper.” Let’s see, where to begin…

Thursday was an interesting night, though at the moment the details of it are kind of hard to remember. Tattoo Guy and I went down to the secret bar where Ms. Hold ‘Em was dealing cards. Actually, we went to the usual bar first, because he insisted that we stop there. So I was particularly annoyed when at quarter to nine–45 minutes after I usually show up at the secret bar–I got a text from Ms. Hold ‘Em saying that there weren’t any poker players there yet. This was annoying because I wasn’t there and she was there and not working. As you may have guessed, I’m not much of a fan of wasted opportunities.

So we got there shortly thereafter and I got to spend a half hour or so hanging with Ms. Hold ‘Em before her game got started. And, even then, early in the evening, I noticed that she definitely was feeling closer to me. You know, slowly letting down that guard that you put up when you meet someone new and you know that your emotions might be on the line. As we talked too, one of the first things she did was to aplogize for something that happened the previous Saturday. This was especially nice for me because I had been annoyed by what happened, but had written it off as an “it is what it is” situation. Something to store away as a potential problem, but not really my place to say anything about it. Sorry if I’m being vague here, but, you know, I’m not going to tell you everything. Anyway, her apology was really touching and definitely reinforced that “getting closer” feeling that I was sensing.

Anyway, the night progressed and Tattoo Guy, who was a bit lit when we went out, switched over to red wine. I warned him it was a mistake, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He was mainly there expecting the Young One (who’s also the Friday bartender there) to be there and be interested in him. He felt that she had led him to believe that was the case. Though, of course, what was really happening was that she was building him up for her friend who didn’t have the nerve to do it herself. Or something like that. At any rate, it wasn’t going to be a good evening for him because the Young One was on a mission (involving another guy) and Tattoo Guy was drinking the red wine on top of everything else he had had that evening.

I don’t remember too many other details from the evening except that Ms. Hold ‘Em and I got to hang out a while and then, at closing time, she, I, and Tattoo Guy stood outside talking until quarter of four in the morning. Yes, I did have to work the next day, thank you for noticing. And the bizarre thing about that conversation was that the two of them were basically talking about me and about how our relationship was going. As if Ms Hold ‘Em was too shy to ask me directly or something. I don’t know. Anyway, working the next day on two hours a sleep was not a treat for me.

next update coming atcha tomorrow…