Dilemmas

Okay, I know that I have a lot of catching up to do with you dear readers–two dates and a Thursday night poker night with Ms. Hold ‘Em, plus lots of other loose ends I’m sure. But I’m writing right now for some advice and, perhaps, the bitch slap that is necessary to make me see the light.

Okay, so I find out from Afternoon Girl that she’s going to be back in town in a week. If you’re not a long time reader to this blog I’ll sum things up quickly and say that she and I had a summer-long no-strings-attached fling that was more fun than…than…well, more fun than most 43 year old guys can ask for. And so of course when she said she was coming back me first thought was “Hell yeah!” And then the second thought I had, one which disturbed me as much as it might disturb you, was “How can I pull this off without Ms. Hold ‘Em knowing?”

And, as you are astute readers, you can figure out what some of my dilemmas are: why was THAT my reaction, rather than “Wish I could see you, but…”? I will say that Afternoon Girl knows all about Ms. Hold ‘Em and I’m sure if I said “Let’s just hang out as friends”, she’d be cool with that…except for the fact that we tried that approach at one point during the summer and, well, it didn’t last long. I could also be honest with Ms. Hold ‘Em and hang out with both of them (and whoever else was around)–and that would make the whole “as friends” thing easier to accomplish. But I don’t even know if that’s a good idea. And, whatever’s best, I’ll say that I’m not inclined to not see Afternoon Girl because I know her much better than I know Ms. Hold ‘Em and I’ll have very few chances to ever see her again. Despite our crazy times, deep down we’re friends.

Add to all those dilemmas the fact that I’m not feeling 100% sold on Ms. Hold ‘Em. I hate to say it because in so many ways she’s wonderful and, I think, will be great for me. I sometimes fear that the promise of steadiness and kindness that I do deliver (even when I’m having sloppy past-involvement dilemmas) might be what she sees valuable in me, rather than me myself. I mean, she has a nearly two year old daughter and, from the sounds of it, I’m probably the first person who hasn’t balked at the idea that if we really get a relationship going that she’ll be a part of it. That can be powerful stuff for a single mother. And, though I’m usually happy to throw myself headlong into a new relationship, the fact that she’s diving in quicker than me makes me wonder.

I know, I’m being a cynical ass.

But, anyway, there it is. I’m sure what I’ve written didn’t come out as clear to you as it is in my brain, but–hey–I do the best I can.

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5 Responses to “Dilemmas”

  1. kenju Says:

    I haven’t read here in a while Joe, but I can say that if you are even halfway close to Ms. Holdem, you should not see Afternoon Girl (inless Ms. Holdem is with the two of you). It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Michele says hello.

  2. Leigh in Atlanta Says:

    I don’t give relationship advice because I seem to be so horrible at them myself, but whatever you end up doing I hope everything turns out alright.

    here from michele’s

  3. Novy Says:

    Michelle sent me….

    relationshsips are always difficult ones

  4. Carmi Says:

    I’m with Kenju on this one, Joe. If it fails the Kindergarten test (ie how would you feel if the tables were turned) then you owe it to both of them to be straight up and to make a decision one way or another. Choosing to have your cake and eat it could result in a whole lot of hurt – which I’m sure you don’t want.

    Unsolicited advice delivered courtesy of Michele. Hope you’re doing well as the weekend approaches.

  5. nosetback Says:

    Carmi–the advice was solicited and appreciated (Kenju too). I agree with both of you and I’m going to handle it in the mature, smart way. I still have to question myself as to why I reacted the way I did.

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