Archive for the ‘Afternoon Girl stories’ Category

Dilemmas

December 8, 2007

Okay, I know that I have a lot of catching up to do with you dear readers–two dates and a Thursday night poker night with Ms. Hold ‘Em, plus lots of other loose ends I’m sure. But I’m writing right now for some advice and, perhaps, the bitch slap that is necessary to make me see the light.

Okay, so I find out from Afternoon Girl that she’s going to be back in town in a week. If you’re not a long time reader to this blog I’ll sum things up quickly and say that she and I had a summer-long no-strings-attached fling that was more fun than…than…well, more fun than most 43 year old guys can ask for. And so of course when she said she was coming back me first thought was “Hell yeah!” And then the second thought I had, one which disturbed me as much as it might disturb you, was “How can I pull this off without Ms. Hold ‘Em knowing?”

And, as you are astute readers, you can figure out what some of my dilemmas are: why was THAT my reaction, rather than “Wish I could see you, but…”? I will say that Afternoon Girl knows all about Ms. Hold ‘Em and I’m sure if I said “Let’s just hang out as friends”, she’d be cool with that…except for the fact that we tried that approach at one point during the summer and, well, it didn’t last long. I could also be honest with Ms. Hold ‘Em and hang out with both of them (and whoever else was around)–and that would make the whole “as friends” thing easier to accomplish. But I don’t even know if that’s a good idea. And, whatever’s best, I’ll say that I’m not inclined to not see Afternoon Girl because I know her much better than I know Ms. Hold ‘Em and I’ll have very few chances to ever see her again. Despite our crazy times, deep down we’re friends.

Add to all those dilemmas the fact that I’m not feeling 100% sold on Ms. Hold ‘Em. I hate to say it because in so many ways she’s wonderful and, I think, will be great for me. I sometimes fear that the promise of steadiness and kindness that I do deliver (even when I’m having sloppy past-involvement dilemmas) might be what she sees valuable in me, rather than me myself. I mean, she has a nearly two year old daughter and, from the sounds of it, I’m probably the first person who hasn’t balked at the idea that if we really get a relationship going that she’ll be a part of it. That can be powerful stuff for a single mother. And, though I’m usually happy to throw myself headlong into a new relationship, the fact that she’s diving in quicker than me makes me wonder.

I know, I’m being a cynical ass.

But, anyway, there it is. I’m sure what I’ve written didn’t come out as clear to you as it is in my brain, but–hey–I do the best I can.

Some Clarifications

November 30, 2007

Dear readers–and for once I’ll use the plural without wondering if it’s warranted–thanks for all of your comments. I figured a post entitled He’s a Fuckin’ Keeper would indeed get people’s attention. A few clarifications based on your comments/questions…

First of all, everything I write about my experiences in this blog in fact have happened to me. I still ponder the question though of what is fiction and what is non-fiction. Though I give you slices of my life–mainly those times spent in bars–it is a select portion of my life. Even within the relationships that I write about, I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could add, but don’t–either because I never get around to writing about it or because it doesn’t necessarily fit in with the themes that have emerged from each of my “characters'” lives.

And, in other ways, you could argue, this blog is fictionalized. When I quote conversations do I quote them completely and accurately? I certainly try to, but for the sake of the narrative I often compress things, pick out the nuggets of truth (or even just humor). I never put words in people’s mouths, but I do streamline. And when I characterize people I’m also relaying my own impression of them. Is “the Jilted One” really “the Jilted One” any more? No, she’s long past that. Does everyone think of JetBlue as the person who can’t get her relationships off the ground? No, to be honest, if you ask most people they have a different and even lower opinion of her behavior. And K2? I’ve idealized and humorized some real sad, perhaps tragic, behavior on her part. But it’s my blog and I’ve chosen to see it that way. And Ms. Hold ‘Em? (and I’ll update you all later on this story line) She’s a far more complicated person than I even want to write about. In fact, for the first time since starting this blog, I’ve met someone that I don’t even know if I want to keep writing about her because we’re really connecting well in so many ways and I don’t want to trivialize the facts of her life–and, who knows, our life at some point. Oh, and I can’t forget Afternoon Girl–the only regular character here who knows about my blog, I might add. If I wrote about her–and us–in its entirety, you’d be truly amazed at the sensually complex and driven person that she is.

Well, enough about that.

Oh, and, as far as “the bar scene” that a number of commenters have referred to–first of all, I don’t mind comments that criticize, or that remember not so fondly, hanging out in bars. Secondly, one thing I may not have pointed out in the past is that until last February, I spent relatively little time in bars. This whole ‘nearly every night out’ lifestyle is new to me. But it has introduced me to a range of people I never would have encountered sitting at home watching The Office. Always Sunny in Philadelphia, maybe. But not most television. And it’s also provided me with something that I hadn’t really experienced in 14 years. Being single and free to do as I pleased. And, believe me, I’m happier than anyone else that I’m thinking I’m quickly on my way to transitioning back to the guy that reads books and watches TV and cooks and only goes out a couple of nights a week–and not necessarily to a bar when we do. Believe me, I’ve missed having someone (other than my kids) to go on daytrips with, go to the beach with, go out to eat with, whatever.

And, finally, please don’t confuse my bars with “the bar scene.” To me, the bar scene involves crowded clubs or martini bars with a bunch of well-heeled office workers and other 20-somethings going out with the purpose of picking up/getting picked up. The places I write about are nothing like that (not that pick ups, etc. don’t happen). When I write about “the usual bar” (sometimes just called “the bar”) think of Cheers but if it were on Showtime. Just a bunch of characters who are reliably sitting in the same seat on certain nights, often talking about the same things day after day, with the occasional plotline thrown in. (“Hey, someone just threw a rock through the back window” or “Hey, that guy just passed out and fell off his stool”)

The “secret bar” is very quiet. Often nearly empty. The sort of place you go if you really don’t want to be seen out and about. In the summer you might often find no more than ten people there, all of them out on the patio smoking cigarettes, and all of them knowing each other–not just from the bar, but from years of being friends. In my mind I sometimes liken the place to the Court of Miracles in the Hunchback of Notre Dame–you know, where the blind beggars can suddenly see and the legless can suddenly walk, where you’re free to discuss your recent grifts without anyone thinking anything of it.

So, that’s that. Thanks for reading and I hope you come back for more setbacks.

Weekend Update

November 27, 2007

Well, I’m not sure where this blog post will take me. I don’t have a ton of time to write and I have to cover Thursday through Monday. So, if this is a bit outlinish in places, I apologize…

Let’s see. Thursday. I had a typical Thanksgiving Day. Time with family, etc. etc. I did play some football with my brother and the boys. And, though we were playing two hand touch, boy was I sore afterwards. For three days. Sore. One funny moment from that came when on one play the boys managed to tackle each other while I was running with the ball, my brother in pursuit. Now, sure I could outrun him, but I know that if I ran the length of the field at full speed I’d also be wheezing like a …well, like something that wheezes a lot. So, as I was running I turned back to my brother in pursuit and said: “I jog you jog? Yes was the immediate reply. And that’s what we did.

Thursday night was a fun time down at the secret bar. C. and his bartender girlfriend were there. After the previous nights’ blowout though, C. hadn’t gone to her family’s for Thanksgiving. More tension there. JetBlue was there as I mentioned in my last post. We had a nic, normal conversation together which was great but which also kind of sucked in a way. It sucked in a way because, after a long slow day of drinking, I was sorely tempted to hit on her. She was looking great, acting normal. Like she knew she could step in my way. Not the time or place. Keep telling yourself that. You don’t need that right now. You’re on the verge of something potentially sweet. And I let it go.

Although Thursday was Ms. Hold ‘Em’s usual poker night she had decided to stay home and enjoy family time and prepare for Friday’s shopping spree. At some point during the night the bartender mentioned that Ms. Hold ‘Em had told her that if a bunch of players showed up to call her and she would come down. I was sorely tempted to bribe the bartender into telling her the place was packed with big money players. Alas I didn’t but I did text Ms. Hold ‘Em and tell her that had been my plan. I think she liked that little bit of reaching out.

So, anyway, Friday came along and, as C. wasn’t headed out and Ms. Hold ‘Em wasn’t headed out I found myself at yet another bar where D. and Dr. B. were at. (Haven’t heard from them on this blog for a while, eh?) We had the typical D. type conversations, mostly revolving around women and his and Dr. B.’s low opinions on all of them–but I’ve written before about how much that annoys me. Then his girlfriend–whom he denies vociferously is his girlfriend–showed up and he and Dr. B. went into berating her and treating her like shit. The part I don’t get is why she puts up with it. Constantly. But, hey, not my problem.

I heard from the two of them (and I question them as a source) that K2 is once again getting kicked out of her apartment. And, also, that she had been “away” drying out, but had slipped back into the cycle a few days after getting back. That’s too bad, if it’s true. She’s really a sweet, sweet person.

More weekend update in a few…