Archive for the ‘Ms. Hold ‘Em stories’ Category

My Semi-Charmed Kinda Life

December 4, 2008

Ok, I forget if I mentioned this to you before, dear reader, but I am now playing in a pool league. Yes, you should have suspected that my life had become just that seedy (to all of you pool league players out there, I am of course only joking when I refer to us as “seedy” *flashes ‘pool league member’ gang symbol*) And, after losing my first three matches–the most recent in ignominious fashion at our “home field”–I managed to absolutely destroy my opponent Tuesday night. Two straight incredibly nearly perfectly played games–which, as you know if you’ve seen me play pool, isn’t me.  Luckily though, my opponent was gracious in his loss: “You played great tonight…for a sandbagger.” And then he added: “I can’t wait to play you again-so I can destroy your ass!” I believe I replied “I’m looking forward to it.” or something like that. I didn’t bother to point out to him that he was the first person I ever beat in a match. His ego already seemed a little bruised by his quick dismissal from our match.

Go, me.

Speaking of going, I spent much of yesterday driving up at down the valley. Up to work. Back. Out to Chicker Falls. Back to the town in which I work (for an unrelated-to-work meeting). Back to home. Out to see The Jilted One. Down to the Orcha’d to visit Ms. Hold ‘Em. A quick visit to my buddy the Sicilian. And then back for another short visit with the Jilted One at work. And then home again. I’m tired even just listing the itinerary.

Oh, and when I was visiting the Sicilian we watched some Ultimate Fighting and he bemoaned the fact that when he fought they didn’t have television and he only earned $120 a match, not the big money these guys are making (‘how much DO they make?’, I wonder…but not enough to google it). I learn something new about the Sicilian every day.

Anyway, I’m tired today and still not back into full tilt writing mode, so I will sign off for now. Thanks dear readers for returning–and for those of you who are new to this blog, you have a lot of catching up to do so don’t complain when I disappear for days at a time.

*flashes ‘erratic blogger’ gang symbol*


“I’m Bored. Let’s Play.”

October 2, 2008

These two simple sentences have been getting me into some interesting situations lately. Smart situations? Situations I’m Proud of? Situations that Won’t Get Me Drawn and Quartered? Not sure.

But, interesting? Yes.

After my long layoff from writing I have so much to tell about so many people. But let me just start my return to blogging with a quick message to myself–Monday night you went home for a reason: you were tired, truly done for the night, and you had to work. Under no circumstances should you have sent a good night message to the Jilted One at 1:30 a.m. And when she said she wanted to come and visit you, you should have said ‘no, I’m tired; I’m done; and I have to work in the morning’. You should not have said “I’ll meet you somewhere.

Okay, so, to cut to the chase, I left there at 7 a.m., in just enough time to get to work. On maybe two hours sleep. A hard situation to explain to anyone else–and I don’t think that my honest explanation that all we did was sleep is going to fly with anyone–let alone the surprisingly patient (so far) Ms. Hold ‘Em. You know, especially since we spooned away those early morning hours.

As dead as I should be, I do have to say that it was a really nice (you know, in a friendly but happy kind of way) time. Waking up next to the Jilted One was never anything I had expected to EVER happen to me. If it weren’t for you, dear readers, it would have to be a secret I carried with me forever. Or as The Jilted One texted it: “shhhhhhhhh4eva.”

You don’t want to know how many times I’ve gotten that text.

Oh, and tonight, K2 returns to the east coast–married and, well let’s see if she has changed lo these many months….

Another Quick Hit

May 30, 2008

I know I haven’t been catching up, dear readers, but at least I’m stopping by. A few brief snippets:

This weekend, MHE and I are going on a romantic weekend in…um…Westside! (for those of you who are not local, it’s the unremarkable, strip mall studded town just south of here.) Yeah…but the idea is that we’re not planning on going anywhere anyway, just getting away from everyone else for a day.

My new, expensive phone is–how do you say?–fooked. I don’t think I did anything drastic to it, but it’s acting like I did. So, who knows? I’m back to my old phone which, despite its batteredness, still works far more reliably than the over-expensive, under-performing Blackberry Pearl. This old phone is famous for its role in some of this blog’s earlier stories.

On Wednesday when I was out I was playing some pool and noticed this woman “checking me out.” You know, you notice her looking at you when you’re at the bar and she doesn’t look away until she knows she caught your eye and then she glances back again etc. Oh, and then you notice her looking at you when you’re sitting outside. Oh, and when you do come inside she makes a point of making eye contact and smiling–several times. Got it, kids? Not my imagination. Oh, and you also notice that she clearly has a boyfriend sitting next to her through much of this. Oh, and then when you’re leaving you can’t help but notice that they’re in the car next to you and she’s giving the boyfriend a blowjob. And in the brief second that you glanced toward that car (until you realized what you were looking at and averted your eyes but quick), you notice the BF staring at you with a “Fuck you, buddy” sneer, as if he thought he were in competition with you and somehow winning. Yeah.  You know, another typical Wednesday night.

Oh, and on Tuesday, I was sitting at the bar with the Sicilian and a couple other people wqhen, much to my surprise, I got to see the newly re-done breasts of a woman sitting at the bar. Thank you bartender for suggesting that she show them. It was an interesting sight to say the least. And, having never seen fake breasts live and in person before I can say that they did indeed defy gravity in all the best ways. Yeah, that was my Tuesday.

Anyway, that’s that for now. Just a few bits from the last few days. See you all in Westside!

Back to the Future

May 27, 2008

Well, I know I now owe you, my dear readers, about a month’s worth of material–and a whirlwind of activity it has been. But I continue to be busy and to not have much computer time, so I can’t promise that I can catch you up here.

But, briefly, Ms. Hold ‘Em and I are in a mode (and have been for three plus weeks now) of re-trying a relationship. Amazingly, all of the good things from before are still intact and much of the craziness that drove me up a wall is gone–thus far at least. The changes have been amazing–both in their drasticness and in their consistency. But we will see what we will see.

This past holiday weekend, MHE and her daughter and I went down to the Aquarium on Saturday. Her daughter loved the sea lion show and we all loved the day. On Sunday I took my boys to an Irish Fest–hope Ihave time to write about one funny incident that day. And on Monday, I hung out at MHE’s and we grilled steaks–porterhouses that cost $5 a pound! That’s like FREE in the porterhouse world!

Oh, and back on Friday, I watched the kids most of the night then we to MHE’s to watch a movie. I left there at 2 and, on a whim (okay, so the Young One and her friend had both texted me asking me why I wasn’t there) I stopped down the secret bar.

Though it was shortly after two, the music was blaring and like 15 people were dancing out on the porch. I noticed that two of them were police officers–though I’m not sure if in the long run that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Anyway, the Young One and her friend were both kind of drunky, and I got lots of hugs and we did lots of catching up. I was feeling a bit guilty because, with MHE and I together at the moment, it was kind of awkward hanging out and being friendly with them without allowing myself to get sucked into something that would later lead MHE to ritually castrate me. Of course, then they left and I found myself there with the owner, the bartender and her cousin, who had shown some interest in me in the recent past–how many Scylla and Charibdis’s can there be in one night? Anyway, after the conversation got suggestive (with the owner that doesn’t take long) and the cousin was eyeing me like I was a piece of tasty steak, I left–not just to get away from the conversation, but also because I was dead tired.

At any rate, that’s a quick wrap for this weekend. More soon I hope.

Brimfield 2008

May 21, 2008

Ms. Hold ‘Em, her beautiful daughter, and I went to Brimfield on Sunday. Here are a few pictures. I will try to follow with more text later.

Oh, and I’m slowly starting to build up my photos on Flickr. I only have a few now, but soon there will be many. But you can see a few pictures of MHE, HBD (her beautiful daughter), me, and my boys. Not to mention shots from Brimfield and Brattleboro.

If you know me, you can either guess what name to search (think, my other blog and its initials) or you can ask me and I will tell you. If you’re stopping by here randomly, I probably won’t give you the username I use there. Nothing personal, kids.

Still Working

May 12, 2008

Hello, dear readers. Just to let you know, I’m still working on filling you in on the unblogged–but very bloggable–two weeks or so that I took off from the blog. For now I’ll just say that this morning I am upbeat and hopeful. I’m still worried about getting caught up in the tornado of emotions and then getting slammed back to Earth; but, I still feel the need to enjoy the happiness, rather than always warning myself to keep that in check.

Who knows what’s best? Who am I to try to guide my life?

This weekend I was in southern Vermont and went to the amazingly awesome McNeill’s Brewery in Brattleboro. I know I’ve had McNeill’s before, though I don’t recall when, but I had not remembered it being as good as it was on Saturday–probably (from the four different beers I tried) the best microbrews I’ve ever had (although I like Berkshire Brewing’s porter a little more than McNeill’s, but just a little). One funny thing that happened as I was standing at the bar was that this guy standing there next to me turned to me and said: “Did anyone tell you that you and your type are the worst sort of scum?” Hmmm…while I was trying to figure out who we were that were such scum I figured I’d answer rather than get offended so I replied something like I hadn’t been told that in a while but thanks for letting me know. I figured that would either diffuse the situation or lead to some mischief, but he turned and walked out of the bar and then a minute or so later came back in and apologized for mistaking me for an acquaintance of his. Hah! I knew it had to be something like that as I man the most “mistaken for another person” person in America. Even funnier, as I was searching for internet stuff on McNeill’s, I saw a picture of the owner and, well, unless I am mistaking him for someone else…

Note to self: next time ask for a free drink!

Note to readers: their salsa was also very excellent. I already make one similar, but I’m looking to tweak my recipe to make it more like the brewery’s. Hint: mango.
Anyway, off to another day of the usual fun including one of the boy’s baseball games and lots of catching up on sleep and paper correcting.

My “Sponsored Links” Mock Me

May 6, 2008

Okay, this is going way out of order as far as catching you up on the past two-and-a-half weeks, but it’s what came to mind first.

Let’s see, a little “mix up” occurred, leading MHE to basically tell me in an email that I was the most vile person in the world and that she couldn’t even bear to look at me let alone ever be my friend (more on this later). So, while I’m taking this barrage of abuse via email, I notice that all of my gmail sponsored links are along the lines of:

Ending a Relationship–an Online Resource

The Online Guide to Breaking Up

and of course, and sites

Thanks for the help, gmail.


A Duck’s Back

April 18, 2008

I wish I had more time to write because I know lost somewhere in the last period of not writing much are a bunch of good stories. But I will at least give a few details about recent events.

Okay, first of all, last weekend’s visit with the Young One: I was talking to my friend P. the other day and in talking realized how many times the Young One has hinted at the possibility of a little something something. His reply: “You HAVE to go for it. Not just for yourself but for all of your friends who will never have the chance!” OIh, and he also described her as “Teeming with fuck me sexuality.” In case you wanted to have an idea why she is often the topic of our thoughts.

What I had also forgotten about that night was that I also saw her friend LL, whom I had drunkenly sent a myspace message to at 4 AM after the evening that MHE dumped me. You can only imagine what it was like. Oddly enough, I think that, rather than being annoyed or amused by it, she has since been intrigued. We’ll see if that is yet another possibility there. Oh–and I was discussing these two women with Dice-G, a co-worker of mine. We tend to have these wonderfully workplace-inappropriate conversations. And, so, this comment was not atypical: “You HAVE to work on a threesome–think of it, they’re legal AND their ages don’t add up to yours! You’ll make the guy ‘hall of fame’ instantly!”

Like I said: on a roll.

And then Tuesday night I was hanging out with the pool league guys (but no MHE because of her new grift job). As expected Tragedy Girl showed up on the scene. I slowly drifted over to her and we chatted on and off for awhile, played the bar video game (she’s no MHE or “Other Option” when it comes to word games), and, of course, before I knew it, she had had quite a number of shots and was all over me like, like, um, you know, something that is all over something else, like, a lot. Not that I’m complaining and not that I wasn’t fully involved in the fun–I’m just saying is all. Anyway, at the start of the night had told her that I wasn’t staying past eleven (hey, it’s a work night) so round about 12:30 I finally decided to head home, despite the good times. So, she walked me to my car and we both showed off our kinesthetic learning style.

Funny thing is, since this has all been fun and stuff, at times I tend to take a step back and observe us fairly objectively. Like when she was holding my arms telling me how strong I felt–hey, right thing to say to a guy and maybe you’re drunken self actually half believes it, but if you know me you know that that is what Huck Finn would call a “stretcher” at best. It makes me wonder how many patently untrue things I’ve also drunkenly said to her. (The only one I can think of is “No, I didn’t laugh when you tripped in the same spot for the third time.”)

Anyway, she also had this disturbing habit of talking about relationship possibilities–and mind you I went into this little escapade with the sense that a “relationship” was NOT what she was ready for (she’s fairly recently, unexpectedly widowed). So, it was a bit amusing when, the next day, she texted me and said sorry I don’t think we should have a relationship. Sorry? No, thank you for climbing onto the same page. I’m interested to see what happens the next time I see her out. Will she go back to the vodka shots and come back to me looking for a little something? And, hey, whatever. She will or she won’t. It’s all water off a duck’s back at this point.

Last night MHE and I made plans to hang out this weekend. She’s on a mini-vaca watching someone’s house so it’ll be fun to hang low with her and her daughter. I’ll be making dinner for us, hopefully reminding her that I’m the best damned thing to come along since Black Cherry vodka. Although, actually, I think I came first…

All in all I’m still not sure what or who I want. MHE still has a lot of question marks and everyone else, well, is everyone else at this point. I saw a drunk JetBlue last night and spent some tme in a painful conversation. Though I don’t think it was my intent, our talking definitely caught MHE’s attention and she looked mildly irked. But then again, she sometimes carries that face even when she isn’t.

Well, I’ve rambled on long enough for now. Next Wednesday I will have an audience with the Queen. Should be a fun time. Sushi and downtown and a museum? Sounds like a plan.

But What Does It Mean

April 10, 2008

I’ll try to do my seemingly “weekly” update later but for now I just want to point something out to you, dear reader, that I pointed out to myself yesterday.

Yesterday, I golfed and had a relaxing evening–one of many relaxing evenings in my life. I also found out that my retirement investment account lost over three thousand dollars last quarter. So much for relaxing. So much for all the hard work that got that money saved up for me.

Meanwhile, Ms. Hold ‘Em in the past week has earned several hundred at cards and hundreds if not thousands with her internet sales.  And she’s worked non-stop to do it.

I’m not sure what conclusion I want you to draw from those two scenarios, but I feel like I’m in the wrong profession–and I’m also feeling guilty about spending money, rather than making it, in my evening hours.

But, I don’t know what it means…other than I’m out three thousand bucks just like that. Then again, don’t worry too much about me. I’m still a long way from having to retire to a mobile home in a Chic’pee flood zone.

As If Life Weren’t Confusing Enough

April 3, 2008

UPDATED: Because it wasn’t already long enough… 

Let’s see, I remember last Thursday as being uneventful. Though the campfire was set up at the secret bar, it wasn’t in use yet, which was a bit of a bummer to both Miss Hold ‘Em (MHE) and I. It’s sad, but I can’t really remember much from that evening. Oh well, maybe it’ll come back to me or maybe it really was THAT uneventful.

Friday–parade weekend starts!–was a bit more eventful. First there was the disappointment of finding out that the Young One would not be working at the secret bar one final week. (Oh wait, I found that out Thursday and after C. told me he once again said “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you too? You can tell me.”) But anyway, I went out with the Other Option. We went to a downtown bar hoping it would be partytime, but it was just okay. Then we went to the bar above the secret bar. A big step for me, bringing her into the world that MHE and I had occupied together for several months. She met a couple of bartenders, but the bar was fairly quiet otherwise. We played the videogame and got a few high scores. It pays to hang around with the smart ladies! Then we went back downtown. By the end of the evening she was fairly well drunky so when we got back to her place I got to drive the babysitter home. Now, in my past I’ve had to drive several babysitters home and let me say that that is one of the more awkward situations in the world. Adult guy, teenage girl–whom you hardly know (and she doesn’t really know you from anyone)–the conversations are always forced and stilted. I’m always worried that I’ll say something that comes out wrong and seems sketchy to the person. Or she’ll notice that I’ve had a few drinks and her parents will be ripshit that I drove her in that condition. So many things. Anyway, I went back to the Other Option’s for a while. Thank you, Miller Lite.

After that, I stopped down to the secret bar for a brief visit. C.–who had pledged to stay in that night–was there. Not much was going on, but it was a pleasant ending to a pleasant evening.

Saturday–roadrace day–was great. First of all, thank you to the 3,200 runners who’s fitness regime makes it possible for the other thousands of us to drink out in the streets of downtown in the middle of the afternoon! It was a bit windy that day, but after a few stops in the beer tents who’s going to notice. I won’t go into all the details except to say that MHE, more or less out of the blue, decided to stop by on her way home from errands. Well, maybe less ‘out of the blue’ because on Friday I sent her and her daughter flowers just to express how I felt about our ongoing friendship and to celebrate the most important weekend in the year in our little part of the world. (No really, that was my only goal in sending them. Honestly. I know, I know, in a way it was probably calculated to let her know that I’m the sweetest fucking thing to ever drop into her life. But, really, it was all about friendship. Oh, and I know that it could have totally backfired. But, it didn’t. End of parenthetical statement.) We stopped by a couple of bars together and had a nice chat. Just in case the current status of our being “(not a) couple” wasn’t confusing enough, she re-invited me to a Sox game in May, told me she wished we had kept the concert tickets we had and gone together as friends because “clearly, we would have had a real good time” but at the same time reiterated her desire to remain single for now. And, she asked me for a ride home the next night after the parade and the night of drinking to follow. Interesting, wha!? Oh, and she also told me that her parents were “rooting for me” and that every person she had talked to had indicated to her that I was a great guy. Clearly, though, she’s smart enough not to listen to EVERYone including her own feelings, But, hey, I think we’re both happier without the pressure of a relationship anyway. I know I’m in no real rush to jump back into that maelstrom of a heart that she has.

But, anyway, after an afternoon of drinking, I went home and napped a couple of hours and then tried to head out again around eight. But, it was clear to me that I was too tired and my head was heavy from the afternoon of drinking so I was home before I knew it…

Which is good because I had to be up at quarter to six in order to fulfill my duties to the parade. The day went smoothly. I positioned myself along the route near the location I expected MHE would be. We talked a few times briefly, had a cigarette together and, when the parade was over, headed out together. Our first stop was at the end of the route. We stopped at a bar downtown. It was fairly crowded, lots of bikers and stuff. Oh, and a tank parked out front. I wish I had my camera with me for that one.

Then we headed down to the secret bar. We had a nice time together all afternoon, hanging out, being close and flirty and all. But, in the back–or actually the front–of my mind, I knew that MHE’s goal for the day was to drink like crazy so I knew that at some point things would turn chaotic. But, for once, I didn’t really care because, as we say down at the bar, “it ain’t my turn to watch her.”

Oh, by the way, did I mention that throughout the parade and throughout the night she was wearing a green hat and a green and white boa? Please picture this at all times throughout the rest of this part of the story…

Sunday night’s chaos came in the form of attempting to solve all of her friends’ problems and, in so attempting, pissing off several people. No, MHE, ‘you really shouldn’t have told that person what I think of them’ several people were surely thinking. Or trying to tell her. But, when she’s in full chaos mode, everything she does is right–and if people get pissed off that she’s solving their problem for them, that’s their, um, problem.

And I just sat back and watched and noted it for when the time comes that I have to decide if I can really put up with her.

Finally, at some point later in the evening, her friend (whom she had watched the parade with) called. MHE, standing near the speaker blaring music, kept saying “I can’t hear you.” But, she didn’t actually think of moving away from the speaker. Then she got off the phone and said to me: “We hafta go up to her house.” (Oh, do we?) I asked why and she said something about a problem that needed fixing (thank you, god, for allowing me to not laugh hysterically), but first she needed to get another drink, “in case she doesn’t have any alcohol up at the house.” (did I ever say I would actually go there?). And then MHE decided she needed to stop upstairs–I don’t remember if she said why, but I kind of wondered if she already forgot about her mission to visit her friend. So, we went upstairs and she sat down near the pool table and, basically, was all over me. Now I’m not much for PDAs, but hey, after a sixteen hour day anything seems reasonable.

Then, hahaha, as we were headed back downstairs we ran across a young couple having a drunken argument (apparently the woman had asked a Hispanic person how to say “If I suck your dick will you lick my pussy?” in Spanish and, somehow, her boyfriend got upset about it. Oh, and he poured a drink over her head…gotta love parade day). And, MHE says to me: “Hold on a sec, I can help.” Now she started all reasonable, asking the woman if she needed a ride home, considering the anger going on. But, when the woman refused, MHE then decided to mediate and kept going back and forth between the two. It was priceless. I’ve never heard anyone quite so illogically and chaotically attempt to settle a dispute. After a few minutes I walked away to get a drink and came back after a cigarette to find her still mediating. By this point, both of them just wanted to be anywhere else but talking to her, but she kept it up, trying to show them the logic of her ways. Finally I think they made up out of frustration at not being able to get away from her.

UPDATE: I almost forget the funniest, most ironic part of her “conversation” with these people: at one point she said to them that “communication is the key to a good relationship.” Hahaha, coming from the person who dumped me without ever giving any indication that something was wrong. The person who, when I asked her what was wrong, said “Nothing. Nothing at all.” (right before the dumping) Hehehe…gotta love that stuff.

As we were headed back to the secret bar, I made an executive decision: “Time to go home.” And at first she was like “I’d like to stop inside for a minute.” But I just repeated myself and she, perhaps, saw that it indeed was time to go. On the way home, she insisted on stopping at McDonalds–“McDonalds, the Oasis of the Drunken Desert”–and I don’t remember exactly what we talked about (and I’m sure she only barely remembers the ride home). But the night was well and truly done.

On Tuesday, pool night, MHE decided to stay home because of a lot of schoolwork due the next day. I was down there with P. and, of course, most of the pool team. I won games against both P. and the Sicilian before the league started. Quite the achievement considering how much better than I they are. Not much to note from the evening except that the Cigarette Moocher was there and she added to the “number of cigarette mooched” record that she no doubt holds. Tina Feylike girl was there as well. At least MHE wasn’t there to get jealous that I once again spoke briefly with her. It was a good night, but I did miss MHE and her Tueday night flirtathon. It’s always nice to be flirted with and it’s equally funny to watch her flirt her way around the pool team. But, hey, it all is what it is until it isn’t it anymore.

Tonight, we shall see what poker night might bring. I’m marginally in charge of the bar at least for a while tonight. Of course that mostly consists of fetching things for the bartender and making sure that she gets herself out of the bar and to her car safely. It’ll be interesting to see what’s up with MHE. Can’t wait to find out what she remembers from Sunday or how she remembers it.

Should be fun.

UPDATE: We didn’t get much of a chance to talk, but the mood–as it always seems to be on Thursdays–was friendly, almost formal, rather than flirty and fun. Oh, and we have a “date” tonight. Well, I invited her to a party with friends that she wasn’t otherwise invited to,so I’m considering it a date. And when I referrred to it as a date in a text message she didn’t say otherwise, so, in my books, it’s a date. Thing is, lately a large part of me doesn’t really want to date her, given her chaoticness. But, still, the other part of me  still thinks it could work.

Crystal ball anyone?